My Blog

What If "I Need You to Save Me" Is a Lie?

11/15/2011 17:45:00

Many relationship breakups involve conflict around money.

Many women who go through a breakup, especially when there are children involved, are financially dependent on their former partner in some way.

When one person moves out the bills don’t suddenly reduce by 50%. That’s reality.

When there is a tug of war over money, typical thoughts might include:

“He/she shouldn’t do this”

“He/she should be responsible and pay their share”

“This shouldn’t be happening to me”

"Life's not fair"

And because our thoughts create our feelings, we might feel:

Frustration

Anger

Fear

Sadness

Bitterness

Helplessness

Powerlessness

And when we think these thoughts and feel these feelings how do we act?

We might lament our situation to friends. Or feel sorry for ourselves and behave like a victim. Or worry ourselves into a frenzy. Or drive ourselves crazy thinking up new ways we can “make” our ex behave the way we want them to.

And the result we will most likely get?

More of the same. We continue the cycle and prove that: “life’s not fair”.

But what if it’s all a lie?

What if it’s simply not true that we must rely on another person for money, or anything else for that matter?

What if the truth is that we are far more resourceful than we give ourselves credit for? We just don’t know it yet.

What if we believed the thought: “I can trust myself to create everything I need.” What if we trusted that the universe is on our side and just waiting for us to recognise this truth? How might this change things for us?

For starters, our feelings would change. More along the lines of:

Empowerment

Relief

Trust

Confidence

Motivation

Self-Reliance

Self-Respect

And our mind would do its work to find evidence for the new thought (that’s the mind’s job – to prove our thoughts right).

If we truly believed this thought what kinds of actions might we take?

And what results could we possibly create?

Where in your life are you not giving yourself the credit you deserve?

What if "I Need ME to Save Me" is the truth?

Time to Create a New Money Story?

10/25/2011 17:59:00

We all have a past. Circumstances that happened to us. And we all have a story to tell.

We take the facts – those indisputable things that happened - I lost my job, I got divorced, etc. And we add our own interpretation. This interpretation is our ‘story’. A lot of us have very painful stories about our past. Stories that may be causing us a lot of pain today.

But it’s not what happened in the past that’s hurting us today – that’s impossible. It’s our thoughts about it. The story we choose to tell ourselves is what’s hurting us now.

We also have a story about our financial past. A money story that may be affecting our results in the present.

My old money story went something like this:

Struggle.
Lack. Scarcity. Not enough.
Try harder and harder to get ahead. One step forward, two steps back.
Financial drama.
Worry.
Despair.
Save the day.
Relief.
Repeat the above steps for next 25 years.

Until I decided it was time to create a new money story – to rewrite the story of my financial past…

In the ‘80s, faced with big mortgage arrears and the very real prospect of repossession, I took control. I sold my house and walked away with a £5k profit. I downsized and started again.

In the ‘90s when a large chunk of anticipated income didn’t materialise I became adept at juggling credit cards. With a five figure balance spread across several cards I paid zero interest.

In the 2000s, I became even more financially astute. I looked for and found the best deals on everything from car insurance to carpet.

Despite having a big drain on my resources I paid the bills, provided for my children and somehow reduced debt.

Through some extremely low lows I continued to make the monthly payments on my 25 year endowment policy. It matures in 2012.

Since the ‘80s I have never missed a mortgage or bill payment. I pay on time every time.

From having £5k in net worth in 1988 I have grown it to multiple six figures today.

In my 40s I abandoned corporate security. I retrained and started my own business doing work I love. Both my business and I are beginning to blossom.

When I tell my money story through this lens I see my strengths.

Courage.
Determination.
Strength.
Resilience.
Intelligence.
Abundance.

What do you see when you tell your money story?

If you’re sick and tired of your old money story, I’d love to help you create a new one. Join my Six Week Money Mindset Virtual Group Coaching Programme starting 4th November. I can't wait to get started!

Is There a Connection Between Your Financial Worth and Your Self-Worth?

10/18/2011 14:16:00

It wasn’t a question I’d pondered much pre-Money Coach training. I can’t say I’d ever consciously made the connection between my financial worth and my self worth. But once I thought about it the link was blindingly obvious.

The answer is absolutely YES!

The amount of money you and I each have right now is the exact amount we believe we deserve. And believe we are worthy of. How do I know this? Because that is the amount we have – and our thoughts and beliefs create our reality.

In the past I allowed another person to use, abuse and all round mistreat my money. I felt powerless to prevent it. It seemed that the more I tried to take care of it, use it wisely, save it and stretch it, the more abuse my money suffered. And the more I suffered.

I thought I must be doing something wrong. I wasn’t trying hard enough, being good enough, generous enough, financially savvy enough. I wasn’t enough.

Now I know that the way I allowed my money to be treated was a direct reflection of the way I allowed myself to be treated. A reflection of my self worth.

These days I take much better care of my money. And much better care of myself. I highly value them both.

How much is your Self worth?

How Can I Feel Abundant When There’s No Money in the Bank?!

10/12/2011 22:47:00

It’s a good question. And one I can personally relate to.

Struggle with money has been a theme of my adult life and was THE theme in my marriage. I know how it feels to lay awake at night worrying about the bills and the debt with that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. I have been there. It’s not pleasant.

If somebody had told me I could feel abundant when all of that was going on I would have thought they were insane. What a ridiculous notion!

But now I know differently. Earlier this year I became a Certified Money Coach and learned from some amazing teachers how to change my relationship with money. It has opened up my mind to a whole new way of thinking about money.

Since then I have been slowly applying what I have learned to my own life and helping my clients to do the same. I say slowly because my relationship with money was so dysfunctional that I have had to work hard to change my beliefs. And it is an ongoing journey.

What I have discovered is that I have a choice about how I want to feel about my money. I can choose to feel abundant, regardless of the amount I have or don’t have, or I can choose to feel scarce. When I think scarce ‘I don’t have enough’ thoughts, I feel scarce and fearful, AND I TAKE ACTIONS THAT GIVE ME A SCARCE RESULT. I prove myself right.

What I want you to know is this: Every result in your life has been created as a result of your thinking. To change your results you must first change your thinking. Our mind will always look for, and find evidence, to prove our thoughts.

So, how did I learn to think abundant thoughts even when there was no money in the bank?

I asked myself where in my life I was already abundant and what resources I had available to me. Here is what I found. I am abundant in my relationships – with my kids, my family, my friends, my clients, my business relationships. I am abundant in the availability of green open spaces that I get to walk in every day with my dog. And I am abundant in the work I do with my clients and in growing my business.

As for resources, I realised the best resource I have is me. I have the ability to use my skills, knowledge and experience to generate an income for myself and my family, while also being privileged to help my clients create important changes in their lives. I have amazing teachers, mentors and colleagues who are all invested in my success and who abundantly share their expertise, experience and support with me.

I also remembered my emergency back-up fund and that I have assets with a financial value.

When I look at my life from this perspective I realise I am already rich in so many ways. This thought makes me feel abundant, peaceful and centred. And when I am feeling this way I take actions that are far more likely to give me an abundant result.

I learned from my teachers that no amount of money can create feelings of safety, security and abundance within me. A pile of banknotes can’t make me feel safe - it’s impossible. Only my thoughts can do that. I am safe if I believe I am.

And that’s the best news. Because while I can’t always control my bank balance, I can always choose my thoughts.

Where in your life are you abundant?